I love simplicity and strive for it in everything I do.
So I promise this is going to be a very short and straight to the point article.
No fluff and no BS. Just facts.
The main point I want to emphasize in this article is that Inner Conflicts, Limiting Believes and Negative Emotions are our intrinsic culprits for procrastination, failure and low self-esteem.
The single reason for lack of success
If you take a long and hard look at it your life will see that THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON YOU HAVE NOT ACHIEVED SUCCESS so far and have not reached YOUR FINANCIAL AND LIFESTYLE GOALS and it is that you have not made all the necessary steps that would get you from where you are to your desired destination.
The three goal relation scenarios
There are only three possible scenarios in which you are in relation to the goal you have not achieved yet
- You have given up on the goal = you are moving away from it and you feel like a failure
- You are moving towards the goal but you are moving too slow, which causes you additional emotional turmoil
- You are stagnating, procrastinating and feeling stuck in relation to your goal = Not moving at all. You feel trapped and confused and do not know what to do and how to find a way out.
The three reasons for lack of action
There are just three reasons why you have not made the required steps:
- You have not specified exactly what you want, or
- You do not know how to get what you want, or
- You know exactly what you want and how to get it but there is something stopping you to execute the required actions in order to get it
What is preventing you from being a total success are the Inner Conflicts, Limiting Believes and Negative Emotions you experience when you think about your goal. With other words you associate either the goal or some of the steps you have to make to reach that goal with effort, struggle and pain.
The Three Beliefs
There are only 3 paramount limiting believes which are standing on the way of your success.
Beliefs = repetitive thoughts that you keep thinking and saying to yourself.
You believe one or more of the following:
1. Its impossible to achieve that goal
- Not possible in general = You have never heard of, read about or seen someone who has achieved this goal
- Not possible for you as a person = You believe you do not possess the required personal traits or faculties to achieve that goal and you do not see how you can get them
- Not possible due to external factors (circumstances) = the economy, family dynamics, lack of finances, lack of resources, lack of time, etc.
2. It is bad for you to reach that goal
- It is dangerous = You believe you will have to turn into something I do not want to be in order to achieve this goal, I am going to get hurt in one way or another, my relationship will suffer,
- It is going to be too hard = It requires too much effort, it is too time consuming, it is too expensive. You believe you don’t have the time, the energy or the money, or other resources required for the achievement of the goal.
- There is a price attached to the achievement of this goal that you are not willing to pay = You will lose more than you will gain if you achieve this goal. For example: Your goal is to be a successful entrepreneur but you are afraid that you will be perceived as a greedy and sleazy salesmen by your prospects.
3. You don’t deserve it
You are ashamed of yourself or of something you have thought or done and you believe you should be punished for your wrong decisions or deeds. Or you believe that you are not good enough for this goal, etc.
Take time to ponder the above stated beliefs and reasons for lack of success and make a list of all of them that resonate and seem to be applicable to your current mental and emotional state. Later on I will tell you how you can eliminate them in record time.
The Genesis of Emotions
Every time you think a thought it evokes one or more emotions. Every time you say to yourself one of the above beliefs you trigger the release of multitude of negative emotions and block the path to your success. These emotions make you feel bad. And we all do not want to feel bad, do we? Each emotion is related to one or more unpleasant and unwanted physical sensations. Many people do not realize this fact. Think about it. How do you distinguish between the emotions of sadness and fear for example? Well, when you feel sadness your get a lump in your throat and your eyes fill with tears, but when you feel fear your stomach gets tight, your hands shake and your knees tremble.
As you can see the only way to distinguish one emotion from another is the physical sensations we experience that are related to the emotion in question.
But when you experience a negative emotion and the related unpleasant physical sensations you immediately try to escape from these unwanted feelings. Your primal instinct of survival is triggered and the flight or fight response is initiated.
In nature when you feel such sensations you would run away or you will fight the threat. But in civilization you cannot run away or fight as moral and society imposed behavioral rules don’t allow you to do so. What you can do though is to start a different activity or think about something else in an attempt to numb the negative feelings you have. All of this happens subconsciously. You do this in order to survive and the survival instinct is way too strong to be overcome by conscious thinking. You may try to fight it for a while but in a long run it will always win. To your subconscious keeping you alive is a number one concern and a supreme priority.
So every time you have a negative feeling, emotion or repetitive thought when you think about your goal, the inner conflict between conscious desire and subconscious concern of safety and survival will prevent you from taking the necessary actions for the accomplishment of the goal, or it will keep you stuck and ultimately in time it will direct you away from your goal.
It is a well known fact in the Negotiations, Marketing and Sales that all decisions we make are made emotionally and then are rationalized and reasoned on a logical level.
An interesting study that confirms the above fact was made several years ago. Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio made a stunning discovery. He studied people with damage in the part of the brain where emotions are generated.. All of these people were not able to feel emotions. He observed that they seemed normal, except for one thing. They were unable to make decisions. They could describe what they should be doing in logical terms, yet they found it very difficult to make even simple decisions, such as what to eat. As they could not label their sensations of sight , smell, taste, touch and sound, they could not distinguish between good or bad. As everything in life, including making a decision, have pros and cons on both sides, they could not make a decisive choice. With no emotional way to decide, these test subjects were left stuck and unable to make a choice.
So at the point of decision, emotions are very important for choosing. In fact even with what we believe are logical decisions, the very point of choice is always based on emotions.
As a coach, entrepreneur or a business owner do you have tools for speedy elimination of unwanted emotions, dis-empowering beliefs, inner conflicts and self-sabotaging behavior?
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